i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
