1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
