i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
