Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
