I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
