My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
