Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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