One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
