another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
