he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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