Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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