Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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