the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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