how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
