I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
