that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
