That's intense
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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