Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
