Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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