Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
