I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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