No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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