He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
