She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
