she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
