I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
