You made me cry and you don't even care
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
