Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
