I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize