I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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