brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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