Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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