Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
