Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
