you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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