If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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