So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
