Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
