I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
