oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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