It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
