Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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