dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
