Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
