After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
