I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
