How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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