I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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