Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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