I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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