I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
