Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
