Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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