you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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