Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're a waste of cheezeits
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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