K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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