Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
