how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
