About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
