At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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