I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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