Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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