I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
