the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
