just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
