I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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