I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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