A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
