I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
