By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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