Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
