theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
