i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
