sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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