he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
