He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
