Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
