Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
