I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
