It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
