meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
