She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
