I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
